We support killing Abubaker and every Palestinian Chelsea fan in Gaza.

This is how I interpreted my football club’s statement on Twitter following the break-out of the Israeli war on Gaza on Oct 7. After twelve years of love and devotion, I never expected my club to want to kill me.

When Chelsea released what I, and many others, believe to be a hypocritical statement a week after the war broke out, I reloaded the Twitter page twice to make sure it was real. The statement had no explicit or implicit condemnation of Israel’s murder of Palestinians and conveyed a clear message of support to Israel’s defense.

What hurts me more is the fact that no other club, except Chelsea, released a further statement after the Premier League and FA’s joint statement to stand neutrally between the two sides. It was disgusting and heartbreaking  for Chelsea to support the genocide against me in particular and all Palestinians.

Here’s the joint statement:

The Premier League is shocked and saddened by the escalating crisis in Israel and Gaza, and strongly condemns the horrific and brutal acts of violence against innocent civilians.

We hope for peace, and our heartfelt sympathies are with the victims, their families and the communities impacted.

As a mark of respect for all those affected, Premier League players, managers and match officials will wear black armbands and observe a moment’s silence at the fixtures taking place from Saturday 21 to Monday 23 October.

The League will also make a donation to the British Red Cross to support the aid efforts helping those in urgent need.

And here’s what Chelsea felt it needed to add:

Chelsea FC is enormously saddened by the huge loss of life following last weekend’s attacks on Israel. We stand with the Jewish community in London and around the world in the face of the rising tide of antisemitism, which we have long campaigned against.

We will join with our fellow Premier League clubs in remembering all the innocent lives lost in Israel and Gaza in recent days at Stamford Bridge when we play Arsenal.

I am outraged. Hurt more than ever. When I remember all the memories we spent together, the moments I cheered for it and my roars when they scored a goal!

Chelsea had been my team and life

Leaving the club this way brings me to heart-wrenching tears, especially since we celebrated the second UEFA Champions League trophy against Manchester City nearly two years ago.

Chelsea was not only my team; it was literally my life. My bedroom color is blue. My bed is blue and has Chelsea’s logo and letters, made of wood, on it. It didn’t stop there, I would only seek out blue clothes when shopping.

The Israeli blockade of the Gaza Strip, lasting for more than 16 years, normally kills our joy by imposing strict restrictions on people’s lives in Gaza. But the club I started loving since 2011 brought happiness to so many of my days.

I was nine when I saw , on a black and white screen, Chelsea legend Didier Drogba’s legendary equalizer goal for the Champions League win in 2012 against Bayern Munich. I grew up watching The Blues reviving themselves after the huge 2016 disappointment and clinching the Premier League title in 2017.

I even distributed chocolate pieces to celebrate the win. Another memorable moment from that time was when I burned my right thigh with hot tea out of excitement for Diego Costa’s goal against Everton in their league 5-0 home win in 2016/17.

Bidding farewell to my favorite player Eden Hazard in the 2019 Europa League Final triumph versus London rivals Arsenal was bittersweet. My love for Chelsea was always growing, especially after their stellar season in 2021 to win the second UCL trophy under manager Thomas Tuchel.

Even if I write a million words, no one will ever understand what Chelsea really meant to me. It’s a mix of complex and elegant love.

I was always advised not to give too much to the other side in a love relationship. I didn’t listen and followed my heart, giving too much and more than I should. Now, I am paying for it. I am totally baffled and regretful.

Even when Chelsea was going through bad seasons, I stayed awake in the dark, cold nights on a poor laptop battery and unstable internet connection to watch them play.

Chelsea supports the genocide against me and my people

According to the latest statistics report from the Euro-Med Human Rights Monitor, the Israeli aggression on Gaza has killed more than 35,000 and wounded more than 67,000. It has completely destroyed more than half of the housing units in the Gaza Strip so far.

The last game I watched Chelsea was their 1-0 league home loss against Aston Villa last September. I didn’t watch it at home. Instead, I enjoyed going out to Watan tower in Gaza with one of my very best friends, Hamza. The tower is now a pile of rubble following a huge Israeli raid in the early days of the war on Gaza.

I don’t really know how Chelsea did it, but I think I was deceived by such a club’s love. This is when treachery aches the most. The club I fell in love with for more than 12 years now turns to have been wearing a fake mask for this entire period.

Liverpool fans replaced the pain with love and solidarity  

Chelsea fans didn’t show us any kind of support. However, Liverpool is drawing me to sheer excitement and pure love following the enormous support by its fans for Palestine and Gaza over the last four months.

Ben, a huge Liverpool fan from England, worked immensely hard with another Liverpool fan, Sajad, to give me a beautiful present on my request on Twitter. It was a framed picture of my youngest brother Ali, a massive Liverpool fan, held outside Anfield stadium in England.

The story was very popular, getting coverage on BBC News and Anfield Talk podcast. We were bombarded by messages of support and love from Liverpool fans. What I honestly have seen from Liverpool fans over the past four months is more precious and honourable to me than what Chelsea has done to me across 12 years.

Ben and Sajad’s gift on November 7 helped us to forget about the war and grab a moment of joy. It put an unprecedented and unforgettable smile on Ali’s face.

Now, I am thinking of writing a thesis about the complex and tremendous love I spent for Chelsea and how that changed in a moment of sheer treachery. However, I still don’t understand or even realize that my soulmate club wanted to kill me.

Maybe if I were a Ukrainian with blue eyes and blonde hair, it would show me love or support? My heart still bleeds. I’m heartbroken.