I have two little brothers; one is six years old and the other is 12. In our Gaza home, I had to appear strong in front of them so that they would not feel afraid of the terrifying sounds of the missiles. I was doing my best to distract them and make these sounds seem ridiculous and ordinary until they became brave and their bodies no longer shook in fear.

But when the darkness came, it brought anxiety, insomnia, and nightmares. We did not enjoy any restful sleep, and how could we sleep with death hovering over our heads all the time?

I was very worried about my brothers, especially the smaller one. He hears with only one ear, as his second ear had been damaged since birth. I was afraid that he would lose his hearing completely, due to the intensity of the missile sounds.

Whenever a missile was about to explode, I would run and cover his ear with my hand so that the sound would not be too severe for him. I always wondered: What is the guilt of these innocent beings in the eyes of Israel? Why don’t our children live in peace like other children in the world? Why do they have to taste torment at the beginning of their lives, or die in the most horrific ways? I kept trying to expel negative thoughts from my mind and pray to God to protect them. Seeing them terrified and crying made my heart break and I felt like I had failed to make them happy.

Clinging to life, despite everything

One day, my mother and I decided to go shopping despite the foggy, rainy weather. We had to buy something to blunt our hunger. We walked to the market and saw that there were a lot of people whose homes had been destroyed and they were displaced in our city in central Gaza. This city, which had always been quiet, had become so crowded that we were bumping into others. It became like a crowded ghost town. Destruction covered its streets. Even the trees that used to adorn the city were completely cut down for firewood in cooking, and tents were everywhere.

Next to us, people were riding on a donkey because they did not have fuel for their car. We were breathing lead and gunpowder instead of oxygen, while we repeated the supplications for God to protect us from all evil. We bought many necessary supplies that were on display and I could not hide my shock at the huge prices, but there was no choice. We wanted to live as normally as possible, despite the siege and famine.

We then returned home bemoaning the state of the country, and I wished nothing more than to get out of this farce and live a normal life like human beings. We had previously submitted a request to travel outside Gaza and had been waiting for an answer for several months, but we lost hope after so much time had passed.

Fate smiled at us

As we arrived home, my father greeted us with astonishing news. He was browsing his phone —which he had somehow connected to the Internet — and by chance, he saw our names on the list of passengers for the Rafah crossing. Our appointment was that very day!

For a moment, we thought it was too late. How could we have known, when we are so isolated from the world with no Internet and no way to communicate or access news? But my father reassured us that there was nothing wrong with being late. This was the only moment in which we had felt joy since the beginning of the war. We all quickly packed our belongings and spent the whole day looking forward to what awaited us with smiles on our faces.

Heading to the unknown

The next day, which was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives, was the most terrifying. We woke up very early.

My father had rented a car to take us to the Rafah crossing, despite the very high price. Our greatest fear was the bombing. We waited until it subsided and the planes moved away a little, then the driver came. Most people were hiding in their homes, except travelers like us who risked our lives to escape. The car took us towards the unknown, as the driver had no idea which way to go amidst the danger. The planes returned and flew above our heads, watching us from afar.

We spent about an hour on the road until we were nearly at our destination. Suddenly, a policeman stopped us and told us that the road we were on was one of the most dangerous. The news struck us like a thunderbolt and our fears increased. Our car was the only one heading this way. The driver quickly fled with us to another road. God saved us from danger, answering my mother’s prayers. We arrived at the crossing safely, and I soon felt a little more comfortable when I found a group of travelers sitting on seats in the waiting area.

Coldness and kindness

After a long wait, we passed through the Palestinian terminal, then headed towards the Egyptian terminal by bus. This part of the journey was harder, which we did not expect. We felt humiliated. The police officers ignored us and treated us arrogantly. We waited until nightfall for them to finally allow us to pass after much difficulty. We took a bus heading to the city of Ismailia in Egypt. The driver was nice to us, unlike the Egyptian employees at the crossing. Every few minutes, we would be stopped by inspectors and customs officials, which bothered me a little. I felt like we were illegal travelers, but it didn’t matter. What was important was that we reached Egypt.

Shattered hopes and silent dreams

I left Gaza and everything in it: my friends, my room, my dreams, my goals, my future, my happiness. I had nothing left, as if I had no identity.

Gone was the house where I had lived since my childhood and my room, which contained many memories and precious moments. I loved to hide away there, writing and reading stories. I had a beautiful study desk, on which I placed many of my favorite books and novels, and a computer on which I studied university lectures. I really miss my old days!

I had dreamt of completing my studies in the English language and was planning to enroll in translation courses so that I could search for freelance work online. I had many plans, as I aspired to be a successful and financially stable woman, and I always watched clips of successful people on YouTube and emulated them.

Finding refuge in Egypt

Here I am in Egypt, the country that embraced me and whose people welcomed me. Here I feel safe for the first time in my life, tasting the food that I was deprived of in Gaza, and finally seeing the streets lit with electricity. I have spent nearly three months here and I am still waiting for the day when I will return to my homeland.

We have encountered many nice people who welcomed us as their countrymen, and some of them even bought us food on our bus journey as a show of honor and hospitality.

To this day, I still see the happiness on their faces when they discover that we have come from Gaza. I love the Egyptian people and I know that many have stood by our side.

Unexpected joy

I received surprising news recently. My university has decided to complete our studies online, despite the difficult war conditions. This made me truly happy because I will be able to achieve some of my dreams, even while I am outside my country! Today, I continue my academic career with all passion and pride.