
“Congratulations, you have received a scholarship to study physical therapy in Turkey.”
Yes! I was over the moon. I could leave this life in a war zone. I would sleep in bright moonlight instead of the light of the missiles that shattered the lives of many people. I would wake up to the sound of birds instead of mothers weeping and wailing over the bloodied bodies of their children.
My tears that day were from the intensity of my joy, like rain that irrigates the earth after drought. I remember that night as one of the most exciting in my life. I imagined the dream I could now achieve: Me, eventually becoming a doctor!
But the next morning I woke up with the brutal reality of the Israeli occupation uppermost in my mind, like a huge, crushing stone on my chest. I had fallen asleep in a happy, euphoric state of mind. Why was I now in a state of fear, anxiety and the grief of loss? I forced myself to eat my breakfast as normal, then opened my phone to check the latest news. I found that all means of crossing into and out of Gaza had been closed overnight.
The difficulties of getting in and out of Gaza
I knew then that I would be unable to follow through with this scholarship. Turkish officials were prevented from entering Gaza to meet students who had provisional offers of scholarships. In addition, no on knew when travel into or out of Gaza would be allowed to resume.
But that wasn’t the only barrier. I had assumed that if went abroad to study for the necessary five years, I would return periodically to visit family and friends. But now I realized that visiting my family would involve big risks each time I traveled between Turkey and Palestine. What if I came home to visit, but then the border closed, preventing me from leaving Gaza and resuming my studies? Or what if a war broke out and I was prevented from returning home to be with my family?
Considering all these factors, and after a lot of deep thought, I realized I could not pursue my dream, at least not now, when everything seemed so uncertain. It was inevitable for me to face the reality of being Palestinian. Things are simply not as easy as they for a Jordanian student, for example.
Questioning my motive to go abroad
Another question that came to my mind was, “Do I want to really want to study medicine because this is my dream, or do I really want to leav so I can live in peace away from all the trauma in Gaza?” During this time of self-questioning, my father advised me: “You must follow your heart, whether in Gaza or abroad,” he said. “You know what you want, and I will support whatever you decide.”
Making the decision was more difficult than l had expected.
Both choices involved risk and loss. Finally, I decided to give up on my dream career, rather than face the tension and insecurity of separation from my homeland and all that Palestine represents: my childhood, my memories, my family and my friends.

I made the right choice for me
The most recent aggression on Gaza, in May 2021, proved that my choice was the best and most appropriate for me. l saw my friend who accepted a scholarship abroad living through everything I had feared. During the fighting, she could not return and was stuck in Turkey, worrying about her loved ones so much she couldn’t concentrate. And when she finally was able to return home, she was stuck inside. Exactly what I feared.
Three years on, I am studying teaching and English in Gaza. I’m in the third year and doing well. I am lucky my family supports me. And l have done my best not to allow the challenge in Palestine, whether political or economic, affect my studies. l haven’t made despair an excuse for failure and inaction.
I choose the path of resistance
I can give in to apathy, weakness and depression and accept defeat, or I can choose the path of resistance. Of course, l choose to resist, in honor of the efforts of previous generations whose struggles allow me to survive. l will transfer this strength and determination to my students and encourage them to stick to their dreams, despite the oppression we face as a people.
I still hope to travel abroad one day to complete a master’s degree. If that is possible, I will return to Gaza and share the fruits of my labor. Palestine is my home.