we are not numbers

emerging writers from Palestine tell their stories and advocate for their human rights

Woman standing in front of Palestine solidarity poster in window of university building.

Breathless in exile

A year of fear / A year of sleeplessness /  A year of breathlessness  / A year of loss
Alaa Mahdi Kudaih
Alaa Mahdi Kudaih
  • Gaza Strip
  • Diaspora
  • Belgium
Woman standing in front of Palestine solidarity poster in window of university building.
Alaa standing in front of a poster she painted with a friend that lists martyrs they personally know; at Ghent University in Belgium. Students had occupied the building and renamed it after Dr. Refaat Alareer, in an effort to pressure the university to cut ties with Israeli institutions. Photo: Hilke Walraven 

 

A year of fear
A year of sleeplessness
A year of breathlessness
A year of loss
A year of nightmares
A year of being dead
A year of getting killed

Day by day by day
365 days
Martyr after martyr after martyr

Silence
Bombs
Ambulance calls:
Your friend was martyred.

Israel cut the connections
Strike in the neighborhood
Run, run—
Who died?
Who’s alive?
No news

Is anyone alive?

Where’s my dad?
Is there any news?
Has anyone seen him?
How is my uncle?
Don’t lie — he’s martyred, yes?
I can feel it

Exile
So many people
So much loneliness

Panic attacks
Loss after loss after loss
Muhannad, Ibraheem, Khaled, Farizah, Yousef, Rushdi, Shahad, Mohammed Hamo, Reefy,

Abu Daqqa, Marah, Osamah, Abu Altayif, Belal, Wafaa, Khaled & Saleh, Kudaih

Massacres & more than 45 thousand martyrs

365 days
Crying
Can’t shout
Want to talk
Can’t talk
Can’t breathe

365 days
Green home turned grey
Blue sea turned red
Blood all around
Bodies in the streets
Your beloved ones are gone
You are gone

365 days of being gone
I don’t know me
I can’t recognize myself
I need to breathe

A year of being lost
A year of being dead

I need to breathe

 

A poster on cloth featuring a Palestine flag, the words "We Are Not Numbers," and the names of martyrs.
The poster listing martyrs. Photo: Alaa Mahdi Kudaih
Nina Quigley.
Mentor: Nina Quigley

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