I used to love watching shows and reading novels about crime ā my favorites were The Black List and the Sherlock Holmes series ā but not anymore. It isnāt fiction anymore; itās happening in my real life, and the violence and cruelty I couldnāt imagine before are taking place every day in Gaza.
Weāve been suffering various kinds of torment and oppression. On top of a merciless hunger, weāve witnessed countless murders and massacres over the past six months, and the injustice we face under Israeli occupation continues. Theyāre destroying everything: our houses, hospitals, mosques, churches, and universities have all been turned to ash.
On the other hand, thereās me, a 19-year-old girl whose biggest concern is her education ā bombing our schools and universities hurts me the most. When I was able to go to school, I was a persistent and diligent student, always studying hard to earn high marks. I loved going to bookshops and buying new books, always eager to learn more. But now all our libraries and bookstores have been bombed.
I also have a passion for learning new languages; I learned a little bit of Turkish and was planning to study English Literature in college. I managed to graduate high school last year with a grade point average (GPA) of 99.3, and it wasnāt an easy year for us students ā we struggled a lot and worked hard, but we were committed and patient with ourselves, because we all have dreams weāre eager to see come true. Graduation was a big achievement ā we finally did it! ā and we were looking forward to our bright futures.
After graduation, I enrolled at Islamic University to pursue my dream of studying English literature. The moment when I officially became a ācollege studentā was unique and super special. I felt like a true grown up, and I was thrilled and scared at the same time! I was excited about my new journey but also felt responsible now that Iām not so young anymore. I knew I needed to depend on myself and work hard.
On my first day of college, I had mixed feelings ā it was a bit weird being in a new place so far from home, surrounded by new faces. I felt lonely at first, but then I started to make friends: I met Laila, who shares my same dreams and ambition. Together, we planned tirelessly for the future and motivated each other to work hard.
Sadly, Iāve lost touch with her since she evacuated her home and fled to southern Gaza. She lives in a refugee tent now, where there isnāt any internet connection. I hope she and her family are okay, and by okay I really mean alive, because none of us are okay. I donāt think our mental health will ever recover from this.
At school, I also became friends with Shaima, whose reputation as a kind, sweet, passionate girl precedes her. After graduating high school with a 99.6 GPA, she had big aspirations for her future. She was doing her best to fulfill her dreams.
Devastatingly, Shaima and her entire family were murdered a few months ago when Israel bombed their house. I wept for her ā even though I didnāt know her for very long, it was enough to grieve for her. I canāt accept her loss.
Our dream has vanished and all we have now is a memory. The occupation has bombed our university and destroyed its buildings, and itās hugely devastating to lose my future in this way. When I saw the recent pictures of my university, I barely recognized it: all I saw was rubble. Itās heartbreaking.
Because of the occupation, weāve lost our right to study, and weāve lost the right to live a decent life. There is no end in sight to this aggression: weāre counting days one by one and nothing changes. Even if it ends, what can we do? There are neither schools nor universities left to finish our education. Is it possible to study in the rubble of destroyed buildings? Or will we return to the coronavirus times, with all our classes online?
This is huge insult to our massive abilities and minds. Itās a total catastrophe for my whole generation!
I have a thousand questions, and I canāt find any answers. Our energy is being totally consumed by this and we canāt stand it anymore. Weāve lost everything, and now weāre praying not to lose our souls and our lives.
But despite the harm thatās been inflicted on us, weāre still waiting, chasing after any small piece of hope that we might get our lives back. Weāre desperate to hear that the oppressor has gone, continuing to wish for salvation while witnessing death. Itās extremely painful to see how our lives are negotiable.
How can you just move on with your life while ours are being taken by force?